Thursday, April 10, 2008

David Caruso - The Heidemarie Schnitzer Computer Virus

I have to admit that I borrowed the idea for this piece from another blogger who wrote an article about "Celebrity Computer Virus". For example, a Monica Lewinsky virus sucks all the memory out of your computer. ROTF LMAO--then again, maybe not. But the story made me ponder what would happen if a computer became infected with a Heidemarie Schnitzer virus.

First and foremost, a Heidemarie Schnitzer computer virus would stalk the word processing software and render its spell check system useless. Mutating, as a virus is known to do, a Schnitzer virus would cross over infecting the writer's brain causing an immediate cessation of one's ability to compose a grammatically correct sentence. Notice, even when Schnitzer manages to get the spelling correct, she uses the word incorrectly. Geez, I hope my computer doesn't crash when I try to spell check this piece.
The following "Heidemarie-isms" are listed in blue with my comments in red:

"Allmost all of them where confirmative to what one was able to read..." posted by "DavidCaruso" [pseudonym for Heidemarie Schnitzer] Excuse me?

"We were asserted that there is neither a conspiracy to ridicule David Caruso..."posted by DavidCaruso [pseudonym for Heidemarie Schnitzer] Again, excuse me?

"If you work in the business long enough you will come across the most weirdest behaviour.."posted by DavidCaruso [pseudonym for Heidemarie Schnitzer] Got that right with Heidemarie's being the "most weirdest"!

"...and signed a waver saying he wouldn't return to tv for 5 years..."posted by DiamondsandHearts [pseudonym for Heidemarie Schnitzer] Did David Caruso wave good bye to ABC or waive contractual rights?

And this final comment is not the result of any virus just Schnitzer's congenital bad taste. Apart from that, no humor is intended. The comment is included to show that even Caruso's newborn child is fair game for Heidemarie's infinite vitriol:

" Caruso wasn't even there for the birth. Busy *beep* someone else. Maybe the child she had was too ugly. " posted by "Dixiebabe" [pseudonym for Heidemarie Schnitzer]


Anonymous said...

Sara my heart,
it tore in two! maybe she was telling details of her own birth! lol! one of my dad's friends watches CSI:MIAMI and doesnt like Caruso because he over-acts (not) how in the world did Gabriele pass grade school lets give her a lesson on grammar and spelling shall we? my computer better not crash lol!
~ CSIFreak191 ~

Know-It-All said...

She makes little sense even if her spell check is working. And she is very quick to pick up on others if they miss speel a word. I guess we should all sign WAVERS so we can rest ASSERTED that our words will be Confirmative. Or am I being the most weirdest person today. lol!

Anonymous said...
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Schnitzer's Death Threat

Schnitzer's Death Threat
Actual Letter Sent to Caruso