Thursday, August 21, 2008

David Caruso - CSI Tijuana: Adelita Bar Issues Pink Slip to Schnitzer

Early last week, Heidi Schnitzer's Internet hours increased dramatically. Informed sources now tell us that Tijuana's Adelita Bar issued Heidi her walking papers after receiving numerous complaints. Loyal patrons reportedly required several visits to local area clinics for penicillin treatments after availing themselves of Schnitzer's "services." Narrowly averting an epidemic of STDs, the Adelita Bar acted swiftly relieving Schnitzer of all duties.

Schnitzer's loss of employment couldn't have happened at a worst possible time. With her plans to illegally enter the U.S. hanging in the balance, Schnitzer may be forced to postpone her attempt. Complicating matters is the sizable deposit Schnitzer paid a human trafficker as down payment for aid in crossing into the U.S. Final payment for border crossing services would have been due prior to the actual attempt. Schnitzer now finds herself penniless faced with the prospect of postponing the crossing and losing her non-refundable deposit.

Schnitzer's entrepreneurial skills will be sorely tested in the upcoming days. Without the front provided by the Adelita Bar and adjacent Coahuila Hotel, Schnitzer has literally been forced to walk the streets to secure the necessary cash. Schnitzer had planned to enter the U.S. prior to the season premiere of CSI Miami in late September.

Heidi Schnitzer remains on the lam hiding out in the Tijuana, Mexico area. She is armed and considered to be extremely dangerous. Do not attempt to apprehend this woman. Contact the U.S. Border Patrol at 1-800-232-5378 , the FBI or Austria's Bundeskriminalamt at +43-(0)1-531 26-0.


Lindy said...

The night before last she was off for 8 hours again but back full time again last night. I guess the trial with the new pimp didn't work out huh Heidi? Back to the solo sidewalk for you!

Sara said...

Eight hours? Heidi was off the Internet? That must be a new world record for her. She's probably had to resort to telecommunications theft to secure the non-stop access that we have seen for the last week or so. I wonder if she barters with her customers: her "services" in exchange for a 24/7 high speed internet connection.

The job loss is a good thing. It should delay her attempt to illegally enter the U.S. and carry out her threats.

Anonymous said...

Caruso, daughter and marquez shouldn't let their guard down. Heidi is one gun shy of disaster.

Corpuschristie said...

Love the article, however there is one small point that I find strange. You mention the sizable deposit paid to a human trafficker. Doesn't that require one to be, well...human? I'm not convinced that the demented one qualifies in this regard!

Sara said...

You have a point CorpusChriste! This whole effort to get into the U.S. is actually quite chilling. I have had emails suggesting that she is going to try to disrupt the season premiere of CSI Miami.

Schnitzer's Death Threat

Schnitzer's Death Threat
Actual Letter Sent to Caruso