David Caruso - Stalker Castrates Her Ally

UPDATE: On February 19, 2009 Heidemarie Schnitzer was arrested by Tijuana police pursuant to an international warrant. The Stalker Chronicles was acknowledged by the Mexican police for aiding in her capture.

Yesterday, The Stalker Chronicles compared Schnitzer's clueless Canadian sycophant to the hapless sailors who fell victim to the Song of the Sirens portrayed in Homer's Odyssey. For the unfamiliar, Schnitzer's BFF and dimwit ally in her non-stop hate-David-Caruso campaign is a Canadian blogger whose David Caruso post appeared on the RSS Feeds. Within minutes, Schnitzer pounced on the Candian's blog in an effort to foment a comment war. After the sycophant fell for Schnitzer's charade hook, line and sinker, The Stalker Chronicles compared him to the mythological adventures of sailors who attempted to navigate narrow sea straits and failed when they heard the Song of the Sirens.

For the record, The Stalker Chronicles never said Odysseus had fallen victim to the sirens. On the contrary Odysseus, unlike the Canadian sycophant when it comes to Siren Schnitzer, took preemptive measures to avoid that pitfall. Other sailors however were not as cautious when they entered the narrow straits which was the point we were making. Unlike the Canadian sycophant, Odysseus had a lot more going on where the gray matter is concerned and successfully averted the fate of sailors who went before him. What we did suggest was the Canadian sycophant had fallen for Vixen's [aka Heidemarie Schnitzer] charms much like the sailors of this mythological adventure. Said sailors listened to the songs of the Sirens and met their untimely deaths crashing into the rocks.

In fact, we appreciate why the Canadian sycophant and Schnitzer have become such fast friends. They like to twist it up adding their own spin while taking things totally out of context. All of this being so reminiscent of Vipix-- Siren Schnitzer's unmoderated toilet site where she changed identities with abandon and trashed anyone who spoke the truth.

Sadly, the Canadian sycophant crashed into the rocks long before we had the misfortune to discover his pitiful existence. He's already a lost cause. Here's a guy who has publicly claimed on his blog that the reason he never went to law school is because he didn't want to take the LSAT (law school admission test). We sympathize with him and fully understand his reservations. You see, a large portion of the LSAT is devoted to "Analytical Reasoning" something the Canadian sycophant seems to be entirely devoid of. The LSAT also tests reading comprehension skills, another area the Canadian sycophant could use some remedial assistance.

We digress though. What we really wanted to convey to the Canadian sycophant was a heartfelt congratulations on his utter forfeiture of the family jewels as pictured above. We understand this lovely "ballsies" necklace was overnighted to a certain fugitive Austrian stalker at an undisclosed location on Mexico's Baja peninsula. How thoughtful of the Canadian sycophant! Schnitzer will look stunning in sterling!

Heidemarie Schnitzer remains at large on Mexico's Baja peninsula wanted on an International Warrant for threatening to murder CSI Miami's David Caruso and for fleeing Austria to avoid prosecution thereof. Schnitzer is armed and considered to be extremely dangerous. Please do not attempt to apprehend this woman. Contact the U.S. Border Patrol at 1-800-232-5378 , the FBI at (310) 477-6565 or Austria's Bundeskriminalamt at +43-(0)1-531 26-0